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Thousands of canines take part in Crufts every March, with owners hoping to win the ultimate title Best in Show, which comes with a cash prize and a trophy.

After reaching the final three years in a row, Monty beat more than 2,500 canines to become the first giant schnauzer to take home the show's top prize.

But make no mistake: Schachner takes his role as seriously as anyone responsible for wrangling scores of baby canines in the biggest televised fake football event of the year.

Why it’s good to binge now: I'm not saying this show will cure your oligarchy-based depression, but it will take you somewhere exponentially kinder, slower and chock full of canines.

He smiled, and I noticed how his teeth were perfectly square bar his canines, gleaming in a way that made me self-conscious.