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Spurs equalled their best ever Premier League win at Tottenham Hotspur Stadium and will have real belief that they can gate-crash the Champions League qualification places.

What follows is an odious odyssey from one dust up to another as these two public menaces gobble trash, shoot a homeless man and, in one especially loathsome sequence, gate-crash a private bestiality club.

"If you invite family and friends over for a party or a coffee in your home, there's a big chance the virus will gate-crash."

“But gate-crash? Never. That was a different time.”

Tudor Simionov, 33, was working as a doorman at a private New Year's Eve party in central London when he was fatally stabbed after a group of men tried to gate-crash.