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A high point for polished yet hirsute L.A. rock: The Eagles’ Hollywood phantasmagoria is named record of the year the same night Fleetwood Mac wins the album prize with the darkly glittering “Rumours.”

Spokesman and prominent letter writer Keith Flett says the group is "continuing to review Prince William's latest beard and assessing if it is contributing to a positive image of the hirsute in the public eye".

Predators and poisonous fungi threaten the unwary, but these hirsute hillocks are mostly a danger to themselves — as the alpha will learn when he seems bent on visiting his lust on a hungry mountain lion.

Other scientific studies have attributed the impact of bison activity to reducing plant diversity, damaging endemic plants and tree species like oak trees, and spreading non-native plant seeds through their hirsute coats and droppings.

There’s just one problem: a certain hirsute fact from topology mandates that isotropic antennas can’t exist.