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If you want something different from your kids on these holidays, then you and your husband both need to agree on some lines to hold in the free-for-all house — low-key, I’d say, to avoid stepping on his parents’ hostly toes.

Miss Manners herself prefers the simplicity of a host fulfilling the hostly obligations.

Go out of your way to include her — unless she’s clearly uncomfortable with hostly attention, in which case you make it your privilege to give her space.

I also very much liked that putting out a punch bowl and a stack of glasses took “making cocktails” off my list of hostly duties.

I was horrified, but maintained my hostly demeanor.