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One of the first things he said was: "I'm worried that the radiotherapy might seriously knacker my voice. I'm a stand-up, so this treatment could save my life, but kill my career."

She worked so hard to prove them wrong that "I used to knacker myself senseless", she said.

"But it's like a classic thing... like if you were sitting at a table and someone took your food, you'd be like: 'Ah, ya knacker'."

Some of Mr Johnson's MPs describe the whole thing as "incoherent and elitist", with the government's own green policy at home threatening to "knacker us at the election".

Alternatively, you could waste £12m on a reserve striker who knackers his hamstring after two games and goes back home on loan in the summer.