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He was seated next to the wife of an employee at the nonprofit agency he headed, and “as soon as she started talking, she asked for a raise for her husband,” says Mr. LaMell, of Chicago.

Mr. LaMell approached a speaker at a conference years ago after criticizing her during the meeting.

Recognizing the tension between them, she told him they could either go out for a drink together to talk over their divergent views, or never speak to each other again, Mr. LaMell recalls her saying.

Carl LaMell had just sat down for dinner at a fundraising event when he realized he was in trouble.

Trapped, Mr. LaMell listened politely for the rest of the meal.