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They come in pairs like monogamous swans, arriving for her parents’ famous cocktail parties, chitchatting among the heavy walnut furniture—the coffee table with its twisted, vined legs, the tiger-oak sideboard laden with silver she and Sally polish the day before Thanksgiving, or Christmas Eve.

The perlite is placed in bato buckets, used for growing vined plants like tomatoes, cucumbers and squash.

Jeb Bush’s limp plea for applause got him Vined into oblivion.

Rae just inked a deal with HBO to produce a show based on her life, ABC’s Blackish was renewed for a second season, Thurston’s How to be Black is a New York Times bestseller, and Drake’s Hotline Bling will be spoofed, vined and memed – all expressions of love – well into the New Year.

If this little escapade had gone down in 2015, the Not My Problem Lady would have had a smartphone, and the whole thing—her refusal, my quivering little butt obeying its orders in the breeze—would have been live-tweeted, Facebooked, Instagrammed, Vined, and Snapchatted.